reminisce

remember the days when it was just the 5 of us, living life as it was without a single worry on our minds - school was troubling indeed, but we held onto each other so that neither of us could fall back. remember finding new things here and there and sharing them with each other so that we could experience little bits of our new life together?everything to us, was an adventure, and carelessly we jumped into it with so much enthusiasm. a year has passed and more has happened than i could possibly ever imagine. our friendship got stronger - but other people came into our lives and suddenly, we ran out of time for each other. i remember being satisfied with just the thoughts of us, but now the only thing i seem to be doing is taking it all for granted.

i had the scariest thought today when you guys brought me home, and it was the thought of losing you girls.

hm.

i can spend all day worrying about the little things, then brushing them off as if it never mattered to me. i’d put on false armors made out of paper, and masks that are prone to flame. but the less i care, the more it seems to hurt. some tell me that all i need to do, is take one giant step of courage to cross the river. but this dingy little boat of mine is no match against the currents flowing back to shore, i know that. surely the sun will rise again, but just because time isn’t static doesn’t mean the past will stay where we left them. and sorry, will never be a good enough reason for redemption. what’s done is done and the more i try the worse it gets. in the end, i’ve lost a friend. maybe there’s no point trying to change their views when i can’t even change my own. i don’t think courage will be enough, i’ll need faith too. I need to know that once I reach the other side, it won’t be sunshine and rainbows, but something much much more.

"Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."

dream.1

i love waking up and remembering all the random bits and pieces of the dream i just had. and ofcourse, i had the most random dream last night. where do i begin? lets start from the part where i ran to a big stack of jeans that would apparently, “fit me”, in forever 21. as i neared those jeans however, they became guys jeans. wtf. so i was with my friend timbo and i told him he should get some! afterwards we went up the escalator within the store and arrived at a movie theatre. // timbo became another friend of mine, and we debated whether we should watch a movie or not. there was a movie on called “the sea monkey boy” - and the poster shows a pyramid underwater with a half fish half monkey looking thing climbing ontop of it. then all of a sudden i was watching the movie as if they were being filmed right infront of me. so the half fish half monkey thing climbed into the pyramid, and found 2 lions breathing somehow, underwater. the lions didn’t look very friendly so i guess a battle took place. then the scene changed to the 21st century, where the half fish half monkey thing faded out into a really nerdy monkey looking boy. i suppose that was the “evolution” of this sea monkey thing.// i stopped watching the movie, or the movie just ended itself and now i was standing on a wide open field with a bunch of my friends. we were all spaced out in a line and infront each of us, there was a big giant circular platform. an old pirate guy came out and told us that there would be alien spaceships landing on each of our circular platforms, the alien will then come out and give us our paycheck. we were obviously all very terrified yet due to our greed, we wanted out paycheck so we stayed. shortly after, the sky dimmed and the sun suddenly became a full moon. the moon duplicated itself over and over again, then they started falling down to earth. just as how you would imagine an alien spaceship would land, there was dust flying around everywhere as they rotated near the ground. finally they all landed. i was sooooo scared i swear i was gonna pee my pants. i looked into the spaceship window and i saw the back of the alien. it was kind of bumpy and green ish, and i just expected the worst to come out. then all of a sudden it peered out of the window to look at me and….it was the GINGER BREAD MAN from Shrek! HAHaha so it gave me my paycheck, nicely, then left. // After that we all went home. i opened the envelope and included with my paycheck, was a evaluation form for my coworkers. I didn’t really bother filling it out, but i did it for one of my friends because she asked for it. so I went to her house to gave it to her. she filled one out for me too, but she said she was going to mail it because it was easier. she handed me the envelope addressed to me, i opened it and there was almost nothing on the evaluation form! i was thinking the whole time..”how is this easier…?” but anyway, my friend who was white at the time, suddenly became an asian girl i have NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE (WTF) and she started filming herself with her 10000 pairs of nerdy black-framed glasses, each with a different function. so i watched her film herself explaining what each of her special glasses were used for. I think some of them were suppose to be “make-up” proof so it won’t get dirty by your mascara because it’s made out of some acrylic material. after she was done talking, i was pretty sure i stopped dreaming. then all of a sudden my dream started replaying itself!!!! from the part where she was filming her glasses. that’s when i tried desperately to wake up, and here i am now. writing it down.

oh shoot, im gonna be late for my bussss

cool

so after stumbling on some funny jive videos on youtube, I was bored and looked up a bunch of 70’s jive. here’s how many synonyms there are for “cool”

awesome
awesome possome
bam!
bad
bangin’
bitch’n
boss
chill
cool-o-roonie
coolie
copasetic
dope
dude
far out
far out man 
far owt
fauncy
funk
funkadelic
funky
funkydorae
gnarly
groovy
gunshot! gunshot!
heavy
hip
jive-wise
keen
kosher
mondo cool
narly
neat
neato
nurkin’
pissah
plastic man, plastic!
rad
radical
real
right on
righteous
ringin’
rockin’
shagadelic
slamming
solid
stellar
stellular
sweet
sweetness
sweetness dude like so far out 
tendar
tight
tough
trippy
tubular
wango
wicked
zomba
zooky-zooky

i’m not sure what to make of it. “plastic, man, plastic!”…really?
that is so…un-plastic

what we work towards

sometimes i have such a clear image of what i want to do in the future. the people i would interact with, the lifestyle i would have. and just like anyone else, i like to think that everything i do in school would take me to that place, eventually. but other times, everything becomes a blur and all of a sudden, i’m not sure if what i want IS what i want. there was a time i loved the piano, but the more i played it the more i hated it. I don’t hate it now, but it just became a tedious chore. and i’m scared that the same thing will happen to how i feel about design. just typing those thoughts down send shivers down my back. don’t get me wrong, i still love design to the MAX. it’s just sometimes i’ve noticed that when i’m faced with a design task. i no longer do it for the sheer joy of design, but i do it because it’s my homework and if i don’t i wont get a grade. i guess that goes for alot of things in life but frankly, that’s just wrong. ofcourse, i start thinking to myself, what am i really working towards? all the things i’ve put myself in because i said i was interested - was it a mistake? what if right now, all i want to do is make my own music and become a traveling musician. should i do it just because for the moment i said i’m interested? i say i’m interested in alot of things. like communications for example. i’ve never been so interested in my courses before, i actually read my textbook like a storybook. on top of that, i’m dropping out of my joint major with iat for a joint with comm. but what if i finally finish the degree a few years from now only to find out later, that i’m more interested in the actual production of a poster, and not the concept itself? or that i’m more interested in filming the story and not the story itself? maybe university is designed to be confusing so that ultimately, we all find what we were meant to do. i’m just hoping that a year from now, i won’t suddenly want to go into biology, abandon all art & marketing related fields, and become a vet. but i can bet anybody all my future income that THAT will never happen. maybe we were all made to do something particular. and whatever it is we were made to do, we would be good at it. we’d enjoy it and be passionate about it, and the fact that i’m studying what i am right now has to be proof that i am on the path to something i was made to become. great, i’ve just resolved my own little internal conflict there. now i feel stupid to have written this post of absolute nothingness. ughhhh, i need sleep.